Update

I recently received bad news that I consider to be good. I had interviewed for a job a few weeks ago, and I got the rejection letter in yesterday's mail. My *ideal* is being a stay-at-home mom, at least while my kids are little, but I can work and would work if I need to. While I have seriously applied for work every week since October, I have only had one interview and little else that counts as serious interest in me, all of which I have taken as a sign that I'm not meant to be working in the near future. There's no need for me to comment on the state of the economy or the fact that my expertise isn't exactly in high demand in central North Carolina... suffice it to say that, under other circumstances, the fact that I am not in demand might make me feel a little less than confident about myself. I have chosen, however, to see this lack of opportunities as God's will, so it's not so much disapponting as it is something of a relief. I don't have to make a choice about working right now!

The interview came as something of a shock after such a dry spell, and I felt it was important to take the interview and the opportunity seriously, to look at how our lives would be different if I got the job, and to explore it all with an open mind. I did just that and lived with the uncertainty of the possibility for a few weeks. That's why this rejection is good news. I can close the door on this opportunity, knowing that I put my best foot forward when interview time came. I can also rest again in the feeling that the right opportunity has not come along, which means I can continue putting job feelers out, as I need to, while feeling the freedom to return my focus to being a mom when the time comes.

We also got news today that while not good is helpful. I'm becoming more stoic as this pregnancy progresses, because it seems like a lot of the factors that can complicate matters end up being an issue for me and I have figured out that my job is to just do what I can and let God take care of the rest. Talk about a lesson in letting go for the control freak in me... I can't control a great many things about this new life in me, so the more accepting I can be of the way things are, the better. The latest news is that I am in the 15-40% of strep B carriers. The baby could contract the bacteria from me during the birth process (about 50% of babies will) and could become very ill, suffer permanent disability or even die -- if active illness results. The odds of that happening are lower by far than the odds of picking up the bacteria, but it is one more thing to have to think about and another reason to hope that baby holds on for another couple of weeks, because the risks to a baby born before 37 weeks are increased 8-fold. What it means practically is that I will be given penicillin during labor, which itself is a trade-off. It should help reduce the risk of strep B infection, but it also may make the baby more susceptible to E-coli and other harmful organisms. Like I said, the news isn't good, but it is helpful, since I would rather have a positive culture and know what we are dealing with than a false negative, which happens often enough to be a bit scary. If I have a nice quick labor like some of the other females in our family, then the potential exposure time for the baby should be reduced, even if they don't manage to get me on the antibiotic IV 4 hours before I deliver, which is the ideal.

We've been working on getting the house cleaned up little by little, and last night we unpacked the carseat and got acquainted with its workings, since I figure that's one thing we won't want to be working out with a baby in arms. A lot of other things remain in boxes, and I suppose we will either unpack them slowly over the next few weeks before baby arrives, or we may wait (out of necessity born of a sooner-than-later trip to the hospital or choice) until he's here to unpack some of them. We're headed to the last of our regular childbirth classes tonight (we'll go to an optional extra session next Thursday on natural pain control techniques if we are able), and I should find out on Monday if the cramping and contracting I have been feeling this week has moved me any closer to active labor. We're also visiting our very scientifically-selected pediatrician's office (I asked a local mom in a Target restroom who has two kids - one with special needs - whom she recommended, and took her recommendation) this afternoon. I don't really have a backup plan for the pediatrician, so if we don't like the office, I suppose we'll have to go back to square one. I don't want to choose a physician based on a website or random web recommendations, and I don't really know anyone local with kids to ask, so we're going to wing it at first.

Daniel has been finishing up his dental work, so he was half-numb yesterday and is suffering from post-dentist jaw pain. He's doing a wonderful job of being supportive around the house anyway, so I am eternally grateful.

I guess that's it, aside from noting that I am back to sleeping much of the morning off and on because I am just wiped out. Because of my eating and testing schedule, I never have more than an hour and a half to sleep at a time once I get up in the morning, so I suppose I should consider this practice for catch-as-catch-can sleep that will, we hope, become the norm quite soon. Not that we wouldn't like to sleep through the night... we just look forward to this particular disruption. :)