I love you, too.

The last couple of months have moved us into a different sort of relationship at home - one that is hard for both of us in several respects. I like to be pampered as much as the next person, but I hate to feel inept and needy. Lately, I've experienced more feelings of ineptness than entitlement. I have become needy in ways I have not been before and don't like at all, and Daniel has picked up a great deal of the slack in our lives, while providing our income and maintaining a largely uncomplaining attitude.

All of this has required sacrifice and compromise from both of us, though. He cooks meals for us both to exacting dietary standards and makes sure I have what I need from day-to-day, and (at least as long as we don't have company coming) I live with the house being more or less disastrous. I also decide that something less than perfection is okay in many areas of life, and that if neither of us can get to it (the list of things I cannot do because of lack of strength or physical limitations is astounding), it doesn't need to be done. He shows me his love in hundreds of (sometimes unpleasant) ways -- from cleaning the cat box, bringing me books to read, and picking things up for me when I drop them, to making a circuit of the grocery store at a snail's pace with me on my more adventurous/independent days, sitting with me to combat my loneliness, and listening to my saved-up thoughts for hours when he'd rather be asleep. I, for my part, am learning day after day to be increasingly grateful for his untiring patience with me and willingness to sacrifice his time and energy for a woman who seems to me to be almost nothing like the vibrant, independent person he first fell in love with. We're both having to find new ways to interact and find closeness with each other, and we're both having to sacrifice desires that we haven't really been asked to sacrifice since we got married.

Some days, it's not easy. Some days, I resent it, and while he doesn't complain, I would be surprised if Daniel didn't have his moments, too.

Still, isn't this struggle just what marriage is about every day? Sacrifice and gratitude. Patience and serving, and, sometimes, being served and being grateful.

When I thank him, he usually replies one of two ways: "I love you," or "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be in your current condition." Both are true, but the first seems more relevant to me and the second usually provokes giggles.

Frankly, I don't think I ever imagined having someone in my life who was so self-sacrificial... which may show just how short I have fallen of appreciating and truly grasping Christ and His sacrifice: either I fail to see how intimately connected to me His sacrifice is, or I fail to understand that His sacrifice simply is the most perfect expression of love. Indeed, if I did comprehend it enough to express appropriate gratitude, I am sure I would get the same reply: "I love you." And, to the extent that my current state is one of grace, forgiveness and blessing, it goes without saying that if it were not for Him, I would not be in my current condition.

I came across this blog post - Love in the Time of Prostate Cancer - a few days ago. While my physical challenges are nothing to what the author is experiencing, I found his message about marriage to resonate with me in this period of my life. Changes in circumstance have a way of changing our perspectives.

Perhaps more than ever, I can say to my Valentine this year, "I love you, too."

I only hope he knows it, and that this realization won't be lost on me when I regain my strength and am tempted to forget just how much I need him.