I want to do pregnancy and birth "right." This means that I do plenty of reading about what the experts say -- enough reading to make me think that while I need to eat, I must avoid eating any number of things; I need to sleep, but not too much; I must take vitamins, but I need to avoid too much of certain ones; I need to take 5 classes and read 10 books and choose between things that my grandmother never had to think about, let alone her mother or grandmother.
And to think that live babies came into the world before we knew of the harms (caffeine exposure, saturated fat) and benefits (happier babies, lower risk of dangerous pre-eclampsia) of chocolate in pregnancy! Then again, if my grandmother had been Chinese, she may have been tempted to rub a cooked chicken tongue on her new baby's lips to make it a good talker. Or if she had been an Aztec, she may have been horrified to view and eclipse, fearing that it would produce a cleft lip in her child.
We know better than that. Information is a good thing. Isn't it?
For someone like me who is prone to over-thinking and worry anyway, I'm not sure the proliferation of "wisdom" in the information age is an unqualified benefit. My very busy CPA father offered to come unplug my internet connection as soon as tax season is over, since I keep reading scary things that cause me to second-guess. His point is a good one: I need to just do what I know is right and trust God with the rest.
I've been working on that... really! Actually, the last few weeks my stress has been lessening. Each day brings us measurably closer to the point at which the baby would have a fighting chance to survive if he arrived on the scene unseasonably early, thanks to modern medical advances, and that is reassuring to me. It also helps that I am finally feeling quite a lot better physically, except for the worsening reflux and hip pain, which mostly bother me at night.
Ultimately, it helps that I realize that as careful and vigilant as I might be, I cannot control what will happen. At this point I bring to mind the carton of pistachio ice cream that I had a taste of several days ago, before pistachios became the latest villain in the salmonella saga. I don't even eat ice cream as a rule because I am trying to be good. Daniel offered me a bite of his. I took it. Nobody told me not to eat pistachios. Now they tell me not to, when it is too late to go back and undo what I did! (By the way, I read a moment ago that another size of the particular brand we have in the freezer has been recalled!)
I'm pretty sure that our ice cream is untainted, but that little carton of creamy, nutty goodness represents something much bigger: until I am omniscient, try as I might, I just cannot do everything right, because we humans will always have to rely primarily on hindsight. I suspect that really accepting that fact is the beginning of peace, so that's been my goal. It's not a bad one, I don't think.
Still, other questions loom. Will I have to have a c-section? Will I want to use painkillers in the birth process? What about the vitamin K shot for the baby, or the whooping cough vaccine for me? Assuming an uncomplicated pregnancy, will I choose induction of labor in week 39 to have the doctor I trust present, or will I take my chances on the doctors and let nature take its course? Do I need to write a birth plan? What about circumcision? Should I hire a midwife in addition to relying on a doctor, given that the doctor is rather important with my present complications? Should I use cloth diapers or disposables? If I can't breastfeed, what formula would be best? Would I have other options? I'll stop there... for now to ask just one more question: What happened to a mother suffering through a "lying in" with a midwife at home, and then lifting her child to her exhausted breast?
Knowing more is great! I mean, considering that placenta previa can cause fatal hemorrhage in a mom, and knowing it is there can save her life, I'm glad to know that I have it so that my doctors can save my life if it comes to that. But I also feel rather lost sometimes in the bewildering maze of what we think we know.
If pressed, I would tell you that I am glad to live now and to know what I know. I think.
*sigh*
In closing, I offer some rather brilliant social commentary on childbirth and modern medical culture from the inimitable Monty Python.
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12 comments:
The video is lovely, as one might expect from Monty Python.
Yes, you should worry less and trust that God will be sovereign over your baby's life even if you mess up!
Word verification is "still"...as in you're still worrying?
I tell you, when I was pregnant I refused to read ahead in the books. I only wanted to know what I somehow already knew. It worked for me. :)
I wished my great-grandmother was still here (she died when I was 8) when I was pregnant with Thomas. She had been the local midwife in her area. When my grandma, her daughter, went into labor, she decided that things might go beyond her ability and called the doctor herself. Then my mom decided to pop out ok anyway.
I wound up having a C for Thomas, he turned breech. But you know he's ok. The girls were all born the natural way.
BTW, the great-great aunt of mine who is 105 is great-grandma's kid sister. Aunt Tola (Capitola) was present at my mom's birth too. :) Faith IS #1.
Angie,
Hope your trip and birthday were everything you wanted them to be. :) I write about worrying because it is still a theme in my life, but actually I have been worrying MUCH less. I just don't seem to be able to stamp it out completely. At this point I find my worry almost humorous, because I know how pointless it is. Mom is a good one to talk to about this, as it turns out. Ah well... if you didn't inherit this particular trait, be glad. :D
L.L. - I was very much the way you describe in my first pregnancy, but that was largely out of fear that I wouldn't make it to the next stage. In fact, I didn't. This time I don't do a terrific amount of reading ahead, but I have tried to allow myself to actually think that the pregnancy can succeed, which means I can be forward looking in a positive way. The danger is simply when my forward-looking veers off into bunny trails on scary topics, because the internet is a virtual smorgasbord of tantalizing links. I like to know as much as I can, in general, about things that affect me. I think I am just discovering anew that what I like to do and what may be best for me are not always the same thing!
Susan,
Sounds like you have some excellent longevity genes in there somewhere! I think midwifery is a wonderful calling. It is the sort of thing I might like to do someday if my life circumstances permit that kind of 24-hour on-call lifestyle.
If I am learning one thing, it is that every birth is unique and miraculous. In the end, all I really want is a healthy baby, whatever it takes to get him here. :D
For some reason people love to tell horros stories to pregnant women.
Listen to the doctor and your body and forget about all the crackpot advice.
This advice is self-referential and self-contradictory, but so what? I live on the island of Liars and Truth-tellers.
great video clip.
And you have some real words of wisdom in your blog. If only we all followed the wisdom we know..
Angie: Given your interests, likely our post today will interest you: A stained glass window from the Greek Orthodox Church in Greensboro. So far, nobody has posted a comment telling us about the history of the window. If you know anything about it, please let us know.
PS: Your verification word is "bunties" sounds like something soft and fuzzy you would gift a newborn!
Grumpy,
Sounds like good advice to me. I think yours may be worth taking. Maybe part of the key is just determining whose advice is worth a listen. :D
Mom,
I love that the Monty Python video is probably older than I am and still manages to seem relevant. I suppose that's what happens when you hit on truth.
GDP,
Thanks for dropping by again. I visited your blog and looked at that post and the others I had missed from the past week. I also added a comment about what the stained glass depicts, as well. It is a lovely window! I'm glad you saw fit to feature it.
Re the Final Four: Sorry, I'm rooting for State.
- Susan Lydens, MSU/Lyman Briggs College Class of 1975
Susan. Re: the final four... sorry, but I think we have ya beat. :D
People aren't too happy in PA, either. Bob's cousin graduated from Villanova, which is about 35 miles east on US 30 from here.
On a more positive note, I passed the exam for my computer course 99/100. The certification is in the mail.
Wow, I can totally relate to this post. And, it won't stop there... Next come baby books, parenting books, schooling options, etc., etc. I am finding that I am calming down about all these things. God has really been showing me the need to rest in Him. Our plan was to have another one well on its way by now, but I am reassured that God is in control and we are enjoying this time "spoiling" Talia. As to birthing options, I think it will be more clear as the time comes. There is so much to think about now, but many of those decisions will be so much easier when the contractions start (or don't start). If you happen to be late, we are firm believers in one of those old wives tales about how to induce labor ;). Anyway, I will be praying that you have peace about all this. You are welcome to call and vent, or ponder, or whatever, anytime.
P.S. We were glad to put off the circumcision (spelling) decision.
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