Notes to self

I had surgery about 24 hours ago, and I have made a few notes to self after the fact that I will now record here for posterity.

1. Whoever formulated Midazolam deserves a medal. A shot of that in my right arm and about 45 seconds later my brain was floating in the most pleasant way and my pre-surgery anxieties were distant memories. It's apparently what they offer to death row inmates before execution. I think I understand why.

2. Don't bother trying to have a long, meaningful conversation with an anesthesiologist even though they may bait you to talk. As soon as they tire of your drivel, they will turn the IV drip on and leave the room, never to be seen again, before you know what hit you. That's just not the stuff of lasting relationships.

3. There are worse things than being attended in the restroom by nursing staff when you really have to answer nature's call and are still woozy from the anesthesiologist's revenge for your lack of scintillating conversation.

4. Investigate the possibility of a less generic last name. It's really disappointing when you are waiting anxiously for your name to be called and hear it repeatedly announced followed by, "Sorry, not you, I need the other ____" in a cruel, cruel repeated game.

5. Hospital waiting room furniture may look like the comfy furniture in a swanky college library, but it's really just an illusion. The couches are just not conducive to napping and you will probably be sorely disappointed if you try. *sigh*

6. Daniel already knows that he can have my books and CDs if I die on the OR table. No need to remind him.

7. Hospital staff really enjoy asking you the same question over and over again. They get testy if you don't just smile and reply cheerfully that you are still the same person you were when the last person came in the room and that you are still there for the same operation.

8. When signing for the 18th time that you realize your routine, minor procedure may result in maiming or death (your own death, not that of the doctor), it's best to just smile, scribble and try not to think about it. (Yet another reason to be really nice to all of those hospital staff.)

9. They throw away those nifty grip-bottom socks if you don't take them home with you. Might as well keep them on hand for those hospital-nostalgia moments.

10. The ads for free cookies on the hospital walls are a sham. They aren't free -- they require the donation of your life's blood. That said, sometimes a cookie is worth the sacrifice. What I wouldn't have given for a cookie after my rather long fast. All I got was saltines as a thank you for my rather undignified experience.

11. Hospital gowns are just as breezy and fashionable as ever. They won't, however, let you take them home. At least I got to keep the socks...

12. Clunky wire grocery carts are not done serving humanity when homeless people tire of them. They go to hospitals and masquerade as wheelchairs. (No, really, click on the link. This is the model of chair that ferried me to the curb)

13. Very pale light yellow skin is actually quite becoming and matches your eyes. Or at least you should keep telling yourself that when you look in the mirror. It won't do to dwell on the skin tone you used to know.

These are just a few of my discoveries yesterday. It was a rather full day of learning.... when I wasn't asleep.