... but I thought I would share, for those of you who do.
Skip to the next post if you are just looking for a more generic update!
I finally contacted my old OB's office last week to ask for the report that was generated when we lost our first pregnancy. The baby was a triploidy XXY boy, which means he had an entire extra set of haploid chromosomes, a condition that causes profound abnormalities. Triploidy is believed to account for about 17% of miscarriages, and triploidy babies who do survive until live birth do not survive for very long. The longest-lived triploidy child on record lived for 10 1/2 months.
I'm not writing this to be dramatic or morbid, but because this recent decision marks an important change in my heart. We lost him almost exactly two years ago, and quite early in the pregnancy. I knew about the triploidy from about 6 weeks after the sad events, but I did not know his gender. I think it was too painful at first to think of that loss in terms of having lost a son or daughter, however unusual his chromosomes. All of the fears of the partial molar pregnancy and the anguish of the process overwhelmed me, and it was all just too much.
Now, looking back, it seems merciful that he did not live longer, both for his sake and for mine. It's only now I am more grateful for his short presence with me than I am saddened by his loss, and, while I would have loved him and wanted him in any condition, I am glad he didn't suffer all of the agonies of a short life in a broken body.
Now that we know he was a boy, there are new possibilities. We haven't named him yet, but we are thinking about doing that, since we are firmly convinced that any life, no matter how short, is worth celebrating and remembering, even if we are the only ones who know or care about him. We know his gender, something most parents who have lost a baby so early do not know, so I feel a certain responsibility to somehow use and honor that knowledge.
He was a special part of our lives and brought incredible joy for the few weeks he lived in me. He ushered me into motherhood, but left the rest of the job of breaking me in to Ian, opting to take God up on his offer to sing in the heavenly choir.
Not a bad idea, if you ask me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I think naming him is a wonderful idea.
We commemorate our lost two babies every time we say the line of the Creed "and the resurrection of the dead".
Touchstone Magazine has a great article this month on what the Church has to offer those who have lost children before they were born (written by orthodox). I thought it was very good. Their website often lets you read the articles for free. Also, Bobby Maddex (of Ancient Faith Radio and Holy Cross Orthodox Church in Chicago) and his wife, recently lost a child. He talks about the experience beautifully. It is part of his regular podcast here: http://ancientfaith.com/podcasts/moviegoer/lars_and_the_real_girl
God's bless you all,
Katie Jones(from St. Michael's)
Post a Comment